not the theatre or the seat
or the popcorn Coke deodorant
or the raked rows
of people breathing in
or the trailers
that show them all they need to know
but where I've always wanted to go
actually slipping
into
the movie
for a moment
I'm floundering in
spit
evaporating at
ground zero
then I'm hurtling down the beam
onto the screen
splat
a juddering particle
on a jerky street
at high noon
in a black and white
Western?
not exactly
where I wanted to be
I was expecting
Panavision, technicolor
a chariot race
a love scene
or
Brando
whatever
instead I'm a speck of black
on Silver's arse
galloping out of town
with a posse in pursuit
a classic moment
I should be pleased
if only it could stay like this
but life and horses keep going on
and I can't leave the movie
now I'm in
I've settled for a bit part
but even that
is dangerous
this could be the last time
this movie's shown
because then the reel's rewound
the spool's in the can
the can's in a cupboard
an archive
or a bin
and I wait
maybe
for a digital
resurrection
I'm at the mercy
of a cinephile
not yet born
while all my loved ones
wonder where I've gone
he went to the movies
they tell the police
and that was the last we saw of him
yeah...yeah that's him the receptionist agrees
when they show her a photo
my wife took at the graduation
of a friend
though his hair was shorter
I can't remember which movie
but he went down there
in that direction, maybe theatre 3
Lord of the Things
or 5 um Casawanka
sorry, I'm not sure
my family holds a quiet ceremony
and declares me lost
they burn my books
but keep everything of value
in a box
in case I turn up one day
but as those days go past
it seems less likely
in fact
it'd be a nuisance
if I did
my wife marries again
my kids think they might, too
the world goes on
and I'm left where I wanted to be anyway
in a movie
a silent bloody movie
with nothing to do except think
and nothing to think about
except
the things I didn't have time to think about
before